When the novel coronavirus appeared on our radar in late February, all danger seemed far away and I was mostly curious.  By March 12^th, the Ukrainian central government quite suddenly put strict quarantine measures in place when there were about five confirmed cases in the country.  In the late afternoon, we found out that the kids wouldn’t be attending school the next day and all extracurricular activities were canceled.  I was quite impressed with the government response because knowing the limitations of the medical system here prevention is the best option.  People were mostly understanding and diligent. 

The tiny grocery stores on residential streets allowed only one or two customers at a time, depending on the size of the place.  Most people stayed home.  All religious services were canceled and even my 85 year old, church-attending grandmother understood. 

Weeks went by and Easter was canceled.  I baked paska bread, we decorated (or “wrote”) Ukrainian Easter eggs as a family, and ordered some expensive small-batch smoked ham, but the cultural, community traditions of the spring equinox/Christ’s resurrection, which make this time so special, was non-existent.  That’s when I first started to feel a little down about the situation. 

Distance learning was miserable.  The expectations were unclear, the technology was unreliable, kids were whiny, and I thought I might lose my mind.  It was a huge relief when in the middle of May school stuff started to really wind down and we were done before the end of the month.  But as the weeks of summer went on we found out that all of the camps our kids were signed up for were canceled. 

That’s when the devastation hit me.  Summer camps – the overnight ones, away from parents – are a big part of childhood in Ukraine.  I went to scout camps for two weeks in the summer and still enjoy reliving some of those moments.  I’m smiling right now just thinking about it.  The experience builds character, independence, confidence, and friendship bonds.  To me, it was a highlight of the year. This would have been the first summer that our kids have enough of the Ukrainian language to enjoy such an experience.  The girls would be attending an ecology camp with a few classmates where they would be introduced to plant identification, medicinal plants, caring for nature, healthy lifestyle, etc.  They’d live in cabins and enjoy a lot of crafts, hiking, swimming, games, as well as home-made meals four times a day.  Lucas would be attending a two-week scout camp with his troop.  He had gone to weekly meetings, attended some events, and this would be the highlight.  It’s at camp that you learn most of the Plast traditions, feel a part of this community, and gain experience in fire building, wood carving, gate building, tent sleeping, food prepping, being on a night watch, and so much more.  Plast camps here include both boy troops and girl troops of each area and although they sleep in different camps, a lot of their activities are done together.  At the end of the summer, they’d attend “vacation with God”, the day camp in my hometown that they enjoyed last year. 

We held out hope as the summer continued and borders closed that at least some of the camps would take place.  All of them were based on spending time outdoors and we were willing to pay for our kids to be tested. But everything was canceled.  

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To make matters worse, most borders were closed.  The trip to Morocco I planned for spring break and postponed for fall wasn’t going to pan out after all.  The road trip to Germany that we wanted to take after an invitation from our newly made German acquaintances was on the back burner indefinitely. 

The uncertainty is depressing. The constant anxiety “what if..?” and “should we…?” is exhausting.

Everyone has felt the grief and loss — of life, livelihood, opportunities, connection.

I wrote the above update at the beginning of September. Now, three months later, I realize that I’ve been moving through the stages of grief. March and April — I was in denial, then came anger and bargaining. In September I was in between anger and depression. I think I’m finally entering acceptance.

It is what it is. I can’t control everything. I can’t always guess the future and make the most perfect decision. I’m doing my best and that’s enough. I’m immensely grateful.